Self Image, Self Confidence, Stereotypes and Music

<--- This is perfect for today's blog and it can refer to so many different things in my life. This is all what working out and getting fit has done for me- and more.

I am not sure how this whole blog post is going to write itself but here it goes.

Last night I was at the gym and I was running on the treadmill (as I always do) and I was listening to my iPod.

It was funny. As the different songs came on I started thinking about if someone got ahold of my iPod and saw what types of music I had on it- how would they perceive me? What would I look like?
How would I act?

Here are some of the songs that come up (in shuffle mode) as I go thru my iPod:

Stranglehold- Ted Nugent

Runnin' Down a Dream- Tom Petty

No Rain- Blind Melon

DOA- Foo Fighters

Sir Psycho Sexy- Red Hot Chili Peppers

Power- Kanye West

Bad Girlfriend- Theory of a Deadman

Mad Professor- Insane Clown Posse

The Hand that Feeds- Nine Inch Nails

Hot for Teacher- Van Halen

Land of Confusion- Disturbed

Dragula- Rob Zombie

Date Rape- Sublime

Been Caught Stealing- Jane's Addiction

Make Me Bad- Korn

We Made You- Eminem

Three Little Pigs- Green Jelly

She Hates Me- Puddle of Mud

The Beautiful People- Marilyn Manson

Sleep Now in the Fire- Rage Against the Machine

Aqualung- Jethro Tull

Superstar- Cypress Hill

Telephone- Lady Gaga

I am sure whoever might find my iPod would never have guessed that the person who listens to all this music (used to) look like this:

There is a lot of angry music on my iPod- great for working out to, but also kind of how I felt on the inside.

ANGRY

Dont get me wrong...I am a very nice person. It doesnt mean that I dont have a mean streak or have an alter ego. LOL. Or that I wasnt angry at myself deep down inside for how bad I let things get. 

BUT:

I also have a lot of fun 80's music on my iPod. Young MC, Eurythmics, Prince, Michael Jackson, The Escape Club, Salt-N-Pepa

And quirky, pop, artsy music: Coldplay, Beck, Weird Al, LMFAO, Jill Sobule, Norman Greenbaum

Classic Music: Johnny Cash, Dire Straits, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Rolling Stones

And music that doesnt really have a category like Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass and ELO

It really shouldnt surprise anyone from looking at the music that I might like art, tattoos, piercings, if I were to fit into the stereotype of some of those groups- and I guess I do a little bit now.

I just never had the guts- BEFORE.

I never felt like my outsides matched my insides and that I could stand up to how people might stereotype me if I had them. My Self Confidence was very, very low. I may have SEEMED like I was confident, but I was anything but. And if I were to get something like a tattoo, what could I possibly get and be happy with when I wasnt happy with myself?

Not saying that music gives way to stereotype. I know plenty of people who break that mold. Heck. My mom likes Tool, Smashing Pumpkins, Red Hot Chili Peppers and some great Alternative bands but she is fairly conservative when it comes to her clothes and her looks.

But since my body has been undergoing change and I have been getting fit, I notice that my self confidence is increasing. My self image has been changing. My "likes" have been changing. I feel comfortable doing some of the things that I liked before. Acting on the things I always wanted. That I admired from afar.

For example:

I used to HATE the color pink. I mean I loathed the color pink.

Now, I buy more things in shades of pink then any other color. I feel girly. I feel like I can ROCK pink.

And it is a good feeling.

Also as the weight started coming off, the height of the heels on my shoes started going up. LOL.

Part of that is because I was lighter and could stand up on them easier.

But again, I started to feel girly. Started to like how my legs looked. How my muscles are defined (OMG- I HAVE leg muscles?!?)

My family makes fun of my "stripper" shoes. LOL. And yes. I have gotten some of them at Lovers Lane. LOL. But dont judge. Dont stereotype. I am just having fun. And I have a new passion for funky fun scary high shoes. LOL. And for once I feel that I can wear them and pull off the look. To not look like it is a forced look. Like I am trying too hard. To walk in them and have people do a double take at me because DAMN I look HOT and not DAMN she should NOT be wearing those!

I love shopping now. I can go into any store and know that I can buy anything off of the rack.

I LOATHED shopping before. I loved shopping at Lane Bryant but I hated trying on SO MANY things to find one thing that just looked ok. Also I was very limited on stores I could shop in. Shopping with friends who were "normal" sized just was not fun. I couldnt really pull them into a plus sized store and spend a lot of time there could I? And lets face it, Sears, Pennys, etc have had frumpy grandma style plus sized clothes.

Now- For once in my life I LOVE who I am becoming.

And I hope my family doesnt judge me. 

That they think that I have changed. 

I havent. This is the me I have always wanted to be.

That I have fallen and hit my head- hard. 

Well ok- maybe I hit my head one night, but I dont think that has anything to do with this. And I was drunk at the time...LOL

That they stereotype me. 

Oh she is BAD. Disrespectful. 

That they think- that girl has gone off her rocker.

Because if that is the case, I would rather be the girl who has gone off her rocker and is HAPPY with how she looks than be the stereotypical child my family thinks I am and be unhappy.

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Yesterday I rocked my workouts.

I did 30 DS, then I went to the gym and ran 5k, and did zumba. I burned 1115 calories at the gym. 

I did good after the concert (or so I thought). I had 2 pieces of feta bread and I had a grilled chicken sandwich and some onion shoestrings. And a couple mojitos.

And no surprise but I gained 1.5 lbs. I am blaming it on Mercury and the alcohol. LOL. I dont have too many more days to be blaming Mercury. LOL

Back up to 175.5. Ugh.

Today I went with K to pick granite out for her house so I didnt get to work out to Jillian Michaels first thing this morning. Instead I did it this afternoon. Which I think was a good thing because K and I went to an italian bakery and I had a calzone stuffed with cheese and spinach for breakfast this morning. LOL.

Then I went for a walk around the block with Aaron and the boys a couple times.

Tonight K is coming for a speed walk with me. Should be fun. And it is humid enough to get a good sweat on. We will see if my scale is kind to me tomorrow. I doubt it. Damn Mercury.

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